This year I was not in any way, shape, or form in the holiday spirit. I did not want to decorate, make gifts, shop for gifts, bake, send holiday cards, go see the lights, watch movies reflective of the season, celebrate with friends, attend parties, or any other various forms of tradition. I was not in a “Ba Humbug” mentality. I was not unhappy or angry that it was the holiday season. I just was not motivated. That spark of excitement that often comes with the season was not there.
I don’t like commercialism in any way and do not participate in many holidays, as the hype of holidays is created for the sheer purpose of commercialism. I rather buy a gift for someone on a random day because it speaks to me and reminds me of them. I rather go out for a meal or just celebrate everyday life with a friend or loved one. The only real reason I celebrate the holiday festivities is because of family. I truly love quality family time. Seeing my family happy brings such joy to me. The best gift I can give or receive is the gift of time.
I bought my first two gifts less than a week before Christmas day from a dear friend in support of her business. They are for my two nieces in Pennsylvania and my Sister-In-Law. I bought my next gift for my Mom from a dear friend who owns an adorable gift shop. I then purchased a few very small items for my two nieces and nephew that live in Texas just so they would have the joy of opening a gift. What I did in the end though was create gift certificates for most of my family for gifts of time. My husband and I will be spending time with each of the nieces and nephew separately for their own special day or weekend. I will take my Dad out for a nice meal and quality time. My Mom and I will share time together doing some of the many things we enjoy together. My husband and I do not exchange gifts unless we make them. We spend quality time together.
So I’ve been asking myself why did I become so run down and fall ill when I did not put pressure on myself to meet society’s expectations of the holiday. I have been eating healthy (with exception of the chocolate cake I splurged on one day, although gluten free and egg free, it had sugar and processed grains). I’ve been getting plenty of sleep. I have been doing a significant amount of Reiki on myself. I have been meditating. I have been flowing with life rather than putting demands on myself to meet certain expectations of others or my own.
In looking back, I may have been flowing in actions, but I was finding myself disappointed emotionally at times that I did not have the desire or motivation to do what the rest of society was doing. I felt like I was disappointing others and would get stuck in a mental loop of expectation and disappointment. I would participate in a meditation or give myself Reiki and snap out of it temporarily, but would find my thoughts going back there. My Grandmother passed away this month as well. When she was really at her sickest in the last few days, I was taking on emotional responsibility for family members. I felt that I was strong and could handle it, but that was not my responsibility to bear. The only responsibility I had to bear was my own loss and grief.
This is all a reminder that although we may choose to live a healthy lifestyle and honor the flow of life, this applies to all areas. My Achilles heel, as for many people, is my sense of responsibility to my family. It is so easy to fall into old patterns of meeting what you perceive as expectations from others. In reality, we create those expectations. We set boundaries and define how others will treat us. If we create those expectations in our own mind and make them reality, then we are not being true to ourselves or the flow of life. We are forcing something to fit into what our ego wants.
Remember to be true to yourself and your own personal boundaries in all of life’s circumstances. You will experience freedom as you go with the flow along your life’s path, following your life’s purpose. Learn what your personal boundaries are and respect them. If you are true to yourself and respect yourself, you will be respected by others. If they do not respect you, they are not a part of the flow any longer.
I’m fortunate that the people I choose to be in my life honor and respect me fully for who I am wholly and completely. Those who did not respect me and my life’s path are no longer a part of my life. Remember that when we are ill or anxious, this is the time to reflect and learn. Ask yourself why you feel this way and what caused your vibrational frequencies to lower. You will receive your answers and you can take action to break patterns that are no longer serving you and the flow of life. Love, Light, and Peace in the last few days of 2014.