As I pumped gas into my truck and cleaned out the trash in it, I noticed the pumps were going very slow. I have had this happen a lot lately at various gas stations, so I had no reason to think this should be alarming. There were a lot of vehicles there, so I just assumed the volume of gas being pumped caused the slow down.
While waiting on the pumps, I replied to some text messages and organized the stuff inside my vehicle. I spoke with a nice gentleman that said if these pumps go any slower, he was going to have to go home and shave his 5’oclock shadow. Funny man and we made light of the situation.
My drive to the city from the small town I was working in that day was for the most part pleasant. I noticed my vehicle not having as much get up and go as usual. It hesitated a few times on the up hills. I had just gotten my vehicle inspected and all was fine, but noted I would need to check this out upon returning home.
While listening to a great artist on the radio I drove to the event. I love solo trips, or doing just about anything by myself for that matter. I love traveling alone, taking walks alone, shopping alone, eating alone, etc. I do love my tribe, and people in general, but value my alone time immensely as it recharges my batteries and brings me back to balance.
I arrived early and decided to go ahead and purchase one of Liz’s pre-signed books. I chose Big Magic! As I was making my purchase I saw the excited star struck look on the faces of the ladies checking me out. I knew she was in the building by the jaws dropping and the chatter about her new shorter hair style. I turned around and saw Elizabeth Gilbert walking right behind me. Very basic pleasantries were exchanged as she entered into the side stage door. She is just as beautiful in person, and her energy is powerful!
I ran into a couple of friends and we visited for a short while. When my other friend arrived we decided to get a snack prior to the event. After we caught up on the goings on of our lives, we got in line to go inside the venue. I realized my book was no longer with me. I had placed it in a chair with my purse and sweater while eating a banana, but realized it was no longer in my presence. I knew immediately that it went to someone else. I decided they needed it more than I did.
Although we did attempt to locate it by retracing my steps, I knew it found a new home. I decided to go ahead and go inside the auditorium and knew I would consider purchasing another one after the show if I felt so led. My dear friend went to the table to see if anyone by chance turned one in that was found. I went inside and sat down, as the performance was to start in about three minutes.
I knew the minute I sat down she was purchasing another book for me. Oh my, I did not want her to do that. It was my error and I was okay with it, although disappointed of course, but knew it happened as it should. She gifted me another signed copy. I was honored and so grateful to have this book again, and for it to come from such a very special person in my life. I placed it safely inside my bag this time!
The show was amazing! Liz Gilbert puts on a fantastic performance. I laughed and cried, but mostly laughed. She is hilarious and her story telling skills are impeccable. You really feel you are there with her the entire time sharing in her experiences. Stories of her recent international book tour took you on the road with her. These were not stories of the glamorous aspects of it either, but real truths revealed by the people and happenings of the trip.
After the show we saw another dear friend of ours and walked to the parking garage together as we visited. It was a pleasant evening all around and my mind was thinking about a potential blog article about what I learned from the whole evening. As we watched the parking garage empty out and were left alone, we wrapped up our conversation and said our good byes. Our sharing was deep and impactful in our journeys, so I was appreciative of that time.
I settled into my vehicle for my long drive back home and my truck would not start. After a couple of attempts it started making a big sound as if I was accelerating while it was in park. Then it stalled out, then died, and then put a black smoke cloud out that smelled like oil. I knew I had gotten some bad gas and this was not a good situation at 11:00pm at night in a town where I did not live.
I got my friends attention before she left. We attempted for a bit to trouble shoot and decide what to do. My intuition told me to leave it parked and figure something out in the morning, but what I would do for the evening was beyond me. In our exhausted haste to get me on my way, we tried to get the truck backed up enough to get it out of the garage only to somehow get it parked in three parking spaces going on a decline toward a brick wall. This was not good! This is why I know to always go with my intuition. I knew to leave it parked until morning, but in my exhausted and overwhelmed state, did not make good decisions.
I set my emergency break and left it. After much deliberation on what to do next, I decided I would attempt to reach my Aunt that lived in McKinney on the off chance she was still awake. She answered on the second ring and was still awake. Now understand it was not as simple as just calling her. As I said, I was already in an unbalanced state of exhaustion and overwhelm, so I had to go through emotions of fear and worry first. I was concerned about waking her and my Uncle. Fears of the repercussions of potential health problems for them as a result came to mind. I then realized this was all ridiculous. I had to at least try to reach her, as I had no other place to go.
As she answered the phone I felt a calm and peace come over me at this point. I was able to tell her what my situation was without being too dramatic. My girlfriend took me to meet my Aunt so I could go and stay with her at her house. We knew in the morning we would figure out our next move with the truck.
I also texted another dear friend in Richardson prior to reaching my Aunt, as my husband sent a message suggesting I contact her. I felt badly for getting her all wrapped up in it, but thought she could at least come sit with me while waiting in case my other friend wanted to drive home. She had a little bit of a drive and had to work very early the next day. It was nice to have the support of so many though. My husband and I share a vehicle and he was over sixty miles away with no way to come get me. The support of friends and family were so appreciated!
I arrived back to my Aunt’s house hungry and thirsty. We found a snack for me and I showered and went to bed utterly fatigued by it all. I did not sleep long, but did get some moments of deep rest. I spent time reading, doing Reiki, and in prayer first to bring balance back into my body.
Waking before sunrise, I laid in bed until the sun emerged over the horizon. I got dressed and ready for what would prove to be a day of adventure; however, all worked out well. My Uncle found the nearest Nissan dealer and I called to make arrangements to get the vehicle towed there. My Aunt and I met the tow truck driver at the parking garage. He was a very nice and professional young man. My service technician at the dealership was very thorough and professional as well. Considering the situation I was in, I felt calm and peace at this point.
We went to breakfast and had a wonderful visit. Toward the end of eating I began sharing some of what I have been dealing with emotionally about getting the publishing process started for my book. Since this is a memoir about my personal journey of healing, it raises so many emotions every time I revisit it. Although I have experienced so much healing in my journey, those deep scars still hurt when pressure is placed on them. Our scars can heal, but just as scar tissue of a physical scar remains sensitive, our emotional scar tissue does as well.
My Aunt played the part of a cherished family member, a friend, and therapist during the breakfast; as she has during my whole life. I have a connection with her unlike many others in my family. I say she is like my second Mom, and for that I am grateful!
Her listening ears and gentle support were just what I needed. As we drove back to her house I got the call about the truck. The good news was that my fuel injectors were okay, which meant the vehicle could be repaired. The bad news was the entire rest of my fuel system had to be flushed out, dropped out of the vehicle, cleaned and/or rebuilt with new parts, and then tested for a clean system. This would be about $1500.00. It was deemed that the culprit was bad gasoline that had been mixed with diesel. I had no choice. I had to do the repairs and get my transportation back, but this was steep for me and not in the plans. I also knew though that I could file a claim later through the company that sold me the bad gasoline.
I had to go ahead and give them the approval to do the repairs, as well as accept help with this financially. I accepted the help graciously. Upon returning to the house, I grabbed my new book and headed outside to the hammock. I enjoyed lying there for a while just watching the trees sway in the wind. Observing the squirrels play and challenge each other territorially and the beautiful species of birds everywhere were the highlight of my afternoon. A female cardinal landed by my feet and just watched me with curiosity. We had a little conversation about just being in the moment.
After some time soaking up nature and reflecting on the lessons and gifts of this experience, I began reading Big Magic. It was a great afternoon filled with much needed grounding time alone. Then we went for a late lunch at my favorite restaurant, Zoe’s. Always a great experience!!! During our time there I realized I had not spoken to my husband all day. The only way we had to communicate was through internet and I later learned our internet was down. I contacted a friend to go over and check on him and let him know what I was dealing with the on the truck. He advised of a couple of things needed at home and I was able to take care of it distantly with phone calls.
I did however have a little emotional break down again and told my Aunt I am just so tired. In the last month and a half I have felt like I am in a blender full of crap! The metaphor of the non-beneficial fuel in the fuel system of my truck and the non-beneficial energies in my life were apparent. So many turbulent situations and energies of other people were constantly pinging at me. I felt every single moment I was hit with something new. I could not get through one thing before another turbulent situation would hit me.
I had no blame for anyone else for this. I had no anger or displacement of this. I knew that I was dealing with my own inner storm and yet another big transition in my life as I began putting my truth, my personal story out there via interviews and my book. There were conversations that needed to be had first, and until I could bring myself to do that, I could not fully go forth with publishing. I knew it was all part of my journey, but it still did not make it any easier. Again, I was grateful for the opportunity to have someone to share with.
I know what I have to do next, and accept this as part of my growth and healing. The right timing and situations to do what is needed will present themselves if I am open and not in resistance any longer. I will not ignore or fight the fears of this, but will embrace them and dance with them until fears subside and freedom ensues again.
To those who played a role in this adventure of the last couple of days, thank you! For you, I am grateful. For the lessons, I am grateful. For the receiving, I am grateful.